Last Blog

I was upset yesterday…
It was the last class we were having with Dr. Edwin. I don’t know how others feel about it, but I do feel upset…
Well, it is the seven semester and it is really hard to leave behind the people you know and places that you started to get use with them after all you leave your hometown for so many years…
First of all, I want to talk about the research paper when I go any further with my nonsense feeling. Based on what I heard from Dr. Edwin, I think, I have get at all wrong and the possibility for me to fail my research paper is highL
First, my research is not really a research, I guess?! But more to my own analyses on the characters. Secondly, I got problem with my citation and thirdly, I was still unsure with what I have been doing, whether it match the requirement of the course. Oh! My God! I’m going to fail this time.
Furthermore, I was even more disappointed when Dr. Edwin said that we can only continue our master if we have at least 3.0. Honestly, I was aim high on this semester, as I was almost there and if I get to fail any course in this semester. I’ll definitely say farewell to the 3.0!
Well, Hooi Chuen and I actually plan to re sit for some papers nest semester, in case if we have a bad score this semester. I wish that we will not have to re sit any paper,of course.
Lastly, it is a good experience to blog in and it does help me a lot, especially when I was really tense up with the position paper and research paper last time, at least, there is a place for me to express my feeling and share it with others and I plan to continue blog in in the future.

What did I learn from this course?

Honestly, I always love it when it is Dr. Edwin’s class, although I shake most all the times I got in his class in the first and second semester. Well, I don’t really like him at the first time I saw him, I thought that he was terrible fierce and I just can’t get use with his style. But, as time passed by, his class is the class that I will not want to miss, which actually change from the class that I won’t dare to miss to a class that I don’t want to be miss. Well, he is a good lecturer and I get the engagement towards the literature towards him and Dr. Jayakaran as well. He taught us many new things and ideas that we actually never think that it would actually work. Well, I confessed that I never get an A in his class and I’m a bit dummy that I get things latter than others, but I do love literature and what he taught in the class actually stimulus me in some ways.
Literature is not simply the knowledge about literature, but it is about life. I wish that when I become a teacher in the future, I will try my best to lead my students to engage to literature, an engagement that will lead students to their personal growth.
Well, through the research paper, I have learned to be more independence than before, I guess. At first, I thought that it is more to a spoon feed paper, as research paper is something very new to me. But, I was wrong, of course. I was so frustrated when my supervisor doesn’t give us any guide line and every meeting is done in a rapid manner. Yes, I did blame him for not consider about our situation, however, I change my way of thinking when I started to realize that it is the time for me to learn to be independence, instead to be spoon feed all the time, moreover, I was the only person that is over loaded of works.
I changed my topic over and over again, lack of guidance, in the middle of no way and unsure what to do, while other groups actually have came out with their first draft, second draft and bla…bla…bla… I never compare myself to others (Well, my friends always said that this kind of attitude actually kill me from moving forward.) and I never want to, until this time around, I started to get nervous and tense up. I even have sleeping problems, I just hate stress!!! BUT, without stress and comparative, there is no way that I will try myself to die to finish the research paper.
I started to scare about continuing my study in the future, just because of this research paper. Hehehe… I always questioning about it this lately, if I couldn’t cope with this paper, how I’m going to study something that even tougher than this?
I’m glad that it is over now and I can get a well sleep plus spend my whole afternoon reading scary comics without worrying about any research paper anymore is the most heavenly thing to doJ

Research meeting

We went to meet Dr. Ghazali yesterday, in which he asked to submit our research paper by next Thursday. A judgement day:(
I'm afraid, as it actually consits 40% and it is a lot. If i am not going to get half of the mark, then i am dead meat for this subject. It is the most stressful semester i would said. We have to do 15-20 pages for this research papaer, which i do not have much thing to write and make it 15-20 pages. Of course, i should not simply write out something just because i want to make it 15-20 pages.
Oh!!! Help me!
Honestly, i don't really learn much in doing in this reserach paper, which actually make me so disappointed, as everything was so different from what i expected earlier. Perhaps, the problem is with me, perhaps i didn't really work hard in it. Well, perhaps, I have work hard enough, just not wise and smart enough.

What’s wrong with the letter?

At the previous class, we learned about letters and when Dr. Edwin asked if any of us write any personal letters. Well, Hooi Chuen and I so edger to share our experience in writing letters that she said she wrote to pen-pals and I was kind of stupid that I told the whole class that we actually write to each others. Oh! My God! They all laughed at us, all right?!
Actually, I don’t really care how others will feel about we write to each others. It is weird, I would say, but it does work to share how you feel on certain things and we tends to be more honest and open when we write letters to our friends. It actually helps us to understand each other better in many ways and of course, it does improve our writing. (I guess?!)
Let’s go to the point. Well, it is so surprise that when I get to know that letters by writers and poets are considered to be literary texts, as I thought that letters always is something that is so personal and private, at least for me. Furthermore, it is more interesting when Dr. Edwin told us that we can use it as teaching materials that we can be use in the classroom. Wow! It is so marvelous. Use Letters to teach literature.
Emmm… maybe I should consider to compile my personal letters someday, which actually reveal a lot about our lives. Well, just kiddingJ Don’t take it serious! There is no body out there wanted to read things like that, at least I knew that Dr. Edwin will notJ

We eventually have the oppoturnity to meet Dr Ghazali on Wednesday after the break.Actaully he haven't approve my topic yet, but since it is already week 10, i tried to do something whoch is totally different from what we actually agree to do before. He wanted me to compare one poem with one shory story, but later i change it to compare two short stories, instead of using poem.I showed him what i did and i am not sastified with what i have done and how he looked at it, as that day he was so rush and just flip through everything quickly.I was so fed up with this paper, which i feel i didn't learn much and i am still in the middle of noway now:(I am so afraid that when i have come out with everything, then only he say "NO", too afraid to accept failure and even to start everything all over again, when there are lot of loaded works come along...Finished the presentation for position paper, which i was so upset about it, when my first point is already wrong...However, i am glad when i got to know that i got 21 out of 30. I was easy to sastify, that is what most of my friends said about me.

I had eventually summit up my position paper last Friday.
It really give me a breath after summit it up. I am confident with all the points written in my position paper, but don't know if i could present it well on this Saturday. Honestly, i am a bit nervous to present my own point of views in front of others friends, bacause in the previous presentation, mostly what we presented were more to others point of view and cited from others sources, but this time around i have to present it spontenously, furthermore, it is my own points of view. NERVOUS! NERVOUS! NERVOUS!
Now started to worry about my research paper, when i accidentially heard that others friends who are under other supervisor already summited their final draft. Sometimes, it is hard for you to not getting everything compare...
Emmm... hopefully, my group could sort out everything by this week, or i am going to be carzy, as many other assignments come along and it is already week 10.

Research paper

Last night i heard a real bad news from one my group member, what we planned to do for our research paper does not match the requirement of the research paper. Suddenly, feel the world is turning to upside down and uhuhuh... it seems that i have to start everything all over again. Sometimes, really want to shoot myself for all the careless thing i have done.
I planned to compare a poem with a short story, which both share the same theme. "Mala" by K.S Maniam, a short story that we actually studied in our first or second semester, which i actually forget almost all the content inside. Well, what i found this time is while i read through the short story, i highlight most of the words or sentences that i found interesting or perharps might be points for the topic i am going to working at, compare to previous semester, in which i only read through the texts without think much of what i have read, after that just forgot like that. In short, i does not relate what i read with what i actually know... or even interpreting it. But, now as i read through any texts, i will hightlight the lines that attract me and try to relate and interpret.
A progress maybe, though it is a bit late, because it took me 3 years to do so. Well, i do believe that, this is better than nothing:)